Sometimes I need a hug

Yes, I admit it sometimes I need a hug. This is quite an unusual occurrence for me. I was brought up without physical affection in my close family. The main affection I remember from my childhood is having to accept slobbery kisses on the cheek from old aunts I hardly knew. That kind of affection I drew away from.
As a result, I rarely initiate hugs from even very close friends, and when I do it feels awkward and I expect my hugs to be rejected. I am happy to receive hugs from friends though, and those hugs usually feel natural to me.
So, when I’m going through a bad time, when I feel I can’t cope. When I want to just be held and not have to speak, but just let myself drown in the comfort of not being totally alone. When I just want someone to hold me and let me sob and shake and have snot pouring down my nose I sometimes really crave the physical closeness of a friend.
However, it still feels wrong for me to admit that. When I tell close friends that I need a hug, I feel I shouldn’t be doing so. It feels I’m being a desperate attention seeker, that I’m imposing on their time. In some ways I suppose I am desperate, after all I’m in such a state due to not coping well with things going on in my life at times like these.
Yet, if a close friend asked me for a hug, I’d drive miles to be there for them to give that physical support. So, why is it so difficult for me to do that myself?


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